Call Me Shorty

It was just yesterday when I was walking from the school’s covered court to our dorm that I felt something strange. I am accompanied by no one so I got a time of reflection, a time that I can only hear the crickets around. I was just walking when I suddenly felt that that I’m so short. I didn’t shrink of course, I just felt a feeling of shortness. I was alarmed. I know that I am considered of normal height since elementary. Then I asked myself if I’m considered tall. I realized that when I was in elementary,the boys haven’t reached their puberty yet, and most of the girls are shorter than me by at least 2 inches. When I was in high school, my best friends are also shorter than me. This college, I’m always with people who are also at least 1 inch shorter than me. These all mean that I’m not tall. I’m just always with people who are at least 1 inch shorter than me.

I tried to audition for pageants but my height didn’t even reach the minimum requirement. I passed by the way, but it was just because the organizers learned that I’m a contributor to our local newspaper.

I am so short. I am short. The whole 5’2 of me was freaked of the idea. But then, it just occurred to me that after all, my best friends from elementary are all of the under height level. Even my highschool best friends  haven’t complained about their height. Those that I’m with during college are those who love me inspite my impossible and sometimes irrational behaviors. I think that I’m overreacting. Those that I love the most are not really tall. Yes, they may be just 5 footers, but their attitude never came short.hahah. They may be around taller people but they always stand out. I actually owe them big time. Come to think of it, I always feel tall because the only people I want to be with all the time are at least 1 inch shorter than me. They are the only people I can laugh out loud with, talk closely with, and cry with.

In conclusion, I think that the importance of height was just emphasized by growth enhancers that really need to penetrate the market. In short, it’s not that important. Besides, as long as you show that you can stand out despite the short height, you can still pass any test or trial, even that of a pageant requiring at least 5’4” height.

Hidden Pictures and Awkward Poses

This day, I am not surprised of seeing sunken eyes, if not vacant chairs in our classes. It’s actually because of the party last night. Most failed to wake up early or maybe have forgotten that they have classes today.

I don’t know what time the party started, I just assumed that the party, just like any other party, started two hours after the supposed time. Drinks (and I’m not talking about softdrinks or water here) are everywhere. I remembered being shocked at the sight of nth (overstayed) years carrying jugs of those drinks. Smoke which is definitely not from any fog machine clouded the party area. First years in alcohol-soaked red shirts were scattered in the area. The light  hurt my eyes and the sounds  hurt my ears.  The games are still the same old games. As if it was predestined having those games every year. It’s a tradition.  Speaking of tradition, every acquaintance party requires each batch to take their batch pictures.

Now that I’m in my 4^th year, I’m supposed to have 3 batch pictures already. Where are they? I saw it between the leaves of my already forgotten book by Evans S. Connel. Despite of the oldness of the book, the pictures still look new and surprisingly uncrumpled.  Then, right in front of my eyes, between my chubby thumb and index finger are the memoirs of my college life.

Our faces are the same of those naïve freshmen. We experimented with our poses, and I can say that we feel comfortable  even in our wacky poses. I see a picture with people who are happy for having a batch that respects each other’s diverseness and uniqueness. The awkward poses and half-meant smile is brought about the uncertainty we had for the new journey called college. Nevertheless, I can still see smiles and happy faces.

The tradition took place again last night, taking batch pictures that is. The awkward poses are still there. To pose wacky is  forgotten, if not neglected. The half-meant smiles just speak of the changes that took place in 4 years. Still, I can see smiles, but not happy faces.

(note:this was written yesterday =))

Love,Sex, and MHC: Science of Romance

“Have you ever fallen madly in love with someone?”

A friend asked that question yesterday afternoon, hoping that he will get a straightforward answer from me. I hope I can answer him, I can’t. Nevertheless, I can provide him objective and scientific (in psychological aspect)explanations why humans fall madly in love.

Science, believe it or not, is also concerned with the four letter word. Science also tried to dissect the complicated, labeled its parts,  and explained the results in the article “The Science of Romance”. So how does Science explain love? Why humans fall in and out of love? Why do we get attracted at the first place?

The article explained that it is innate for humans to actually mate. The body of every human is designed to serve two purposes, those are, to mate a lot and to mate well so that our offsprings would survive. For that reason, if we reach our sexual maturity we tend to look for signals of good genes and reproductive fitness from those whom we consider potential partners.  Humans are so successful in mating that we have adapted a skill of picking certain types of mates and fulfilling the desire of the opposite sex.

Boiogical perspective  also cited different reasons of how attraction is influenced by different aspects- visual, olfactory, tactile, neurochemical processes. According to the article, our sense of smell can detect who are the suitable partners for us because we, like any other animals quickly learn to assign values to scents. Humans carry telltales smell which affects others in a powerful way.  It is because of PHEROMONES-scent signaling chemicals that exist in all animals. It greatly affects the endocrine system of others and since endocrine system plays a great role in timing of menstruation, the two are believed to be closely linked. Males are more likely to get attracted to females who are ovulating than those who are menstruating. Scent can also narrow our choice of  potential partners. In our immune system, we have the genes Major Histocompability complex(MHC) which influence tissue rejection. If two people have the same MHC, the female cannot conceive a baby successfully. Studies show that we usually choose a partner with different MHC from us and that is through the help of olfactory cues(sense of smell). Also,kissing can provide a sample of MHC which makes MHC detectable by our sense of taste.

Looks and sounds are also of great factors in choosing partners. Men see ample breasts and broad hips as indicators of woman’s ability to bear and nurse children. Women see a broad chest and shoulders as a sign of masculinity. Hairy chest and a full beard  are seen as signs of healthy testosterone flow that gives rise to both fertility and strength. A deep voice, also testosterone driven, can have a similarly seductive power. There is a study showing that males with deeper voices have more children. Also, those people whose voices scored high in attractiveness also had physical features considered sexually appealing like broad-shoulders in men and a low waist-to-hip ratio in women.

And all of these attraction end up in love because we think we are so happy with that other person and that he /she is the right one.  We are  because of the euphoria we are feeling at the moment. This euphoric feeling is actually caused by the secretion of Dopamine(can create motivation, craving  and goal-oriented behavior-ecstacy) in our brain.

That’s how science explains attraction and love. Honestly, I still believe that love is so abstract to be explained. The definition of love may vary from one person to another. Attraction or sexual attraction for that matter, is definitely not love. We may be euphoric if we are with someone, but love is more than what we feel. It is more than our mere emotions. Maybe, it is our genes that tell us whose attractive or not but it’s still us who decide who to love or not. The article states that people who are in love could not be convinced that love is just a way of our survival, and just a result of chemical reaction within our bodies.  As for me, in love or not, I choose not to be convinced.

What color are you?:musings during the inauguration

This year’s election is the most colorful (literally and figuratively) election in the Philippine History. I actually saw different colors of flags, banners,  ballers,posters, calendars, cups, T-shirts, and just put anything that you can think of here (they are that creative ) that represent different candidates.

I wonder ,did  the Filipinos choose a certain color because of the candidate or did they choose the candidate because of the color(too bad there’s no candidate who represented purple). But in the end the victor is not orange, not green, not blue, not even periwinkle , but yellow. In the end, it’s Sen.(now president) Benigno S. Aquino III who gained the highest vote and the one who has the chance of making a speech for yesterday’s inauguration.

I’m actually glad for this inauguration, not because there’s no class, but because I see a lot of Filipinos becoming optimistic and hopeful for the new administration. I think that it’s not just enough to have a very strategic or charismatic leader. We need people who still believe that despite the corrupt system, it’s still not too late for change. It’s still not late for realizing that each one can make a difference.  If  Pres. Noynoy Aquino will also believe in the power of each one to create a better Philippines, then probably that belief will turn into vision, and that vision, an action.

I may be wrong for being hopeful in this new administration, but it’s better to be wrong than not having hope to hold on. Pres. Noynoy Aquino probably can’t solve corruption during his term. But in the hands of every Filipino that thinks corruption can be solved by their own little ways, are the X’s, Y’s and any variable of a formula for solving this complicated problem called corruption. Maybe, the president can’t make everyone become a doctor, a lawyer,  or a high-earning individual. But what’s better is having a realization that everyone can serve one another not by just being a doctor or a lawyer, but rather by being an honest citizen and a better person.Maybe, poverty will still be there. But I hope that even in a picture of  poverty is a child that yearns for education, a child who thinks that it is not by begging that one can be rich, but rather by investing on something that no one can steal.  Each Filipino holds a piece of the jigsaw puzzle called “Better Philippines”; and  your piece counts.

During this year’s election, what color  did I really think could change the country?  I’m not  really a yellow supporter. I’m not that loyal to green. The blue is just one of my options. The color  orange I didn’t choose. Periwinkle is out of the question. The color that I think could change the country is that color   called “kayumanggi”.

I’m Hired?

This school year started with a realization that I have nothing in my pocket except dusts and a worn-out wallet that says “I’m never a wallet to you, I’m just a card(not even debit or credit) holder!”  I think I should at least put 10  pesos in this wallet of mine.

I have to pay  600 pesos per unit(18 units for this sem) because my bracket was not yet finalized. This means I have to pay 10,800 pesos plus the miscellaneous fee. I have nothing but a photocopied loan form and borrowed money from my friends, but I still managed to enroll myself. Yet, there is another problem.. Where would I get my allowance, my dorm fee, and payment for my labandera?

Good thing,I saw a post at the College Union Building that says “Application forms for Student Assistant is now available at the STFAP office”.  To me, it was read like “MONEY at the STFAP office”. This definitely is the answer for my problem. So I applied and passed all the requirements.  Three days later, the results of the hired and their office assignment was posted. I passed. I am hired.. but there’s one more problem. I was assigned at the OVCPD. “Good,I don’t know where that is or what  that is” is my only remark.

Nevertheless, I managed to know what that office is and learned that it’s the “Office of the Vice Chancellor in Planning and Development”. It sounded so intimidating. More intimidating than Balay Gumamela, Social Science Division, and the Library.   Then, it is located at the New Admin. It sounded so…far. One of my professors actually calls that place Mt. Olympus because it’s like more than 1 kilometer away from the College of Arts and Sciences. I can only imagine.

I was actually a student Assistant when I was just a sophomore but I was assigned to my dorm. It was so easy, because all I have to do is page people and man the counter. That’s all, but that time I wished I’m in another office because I want to feel that I’m really working for that 25 pesos per hour. Now, I want to undo that wish. OVCPD seemed like an office where I will be yelled at, an office where there’s no time for me to sit at all.

This morning, I went to OVCPD so that they could sign my basic papers. Then, one of the people there asked for my available time which I willingly wrote down . Then, another person there asked who I am. I said  that I’m Katrina the new student assistant.

She smiled. I was relieved.

“I will never forget your name because I have a niece named Katrina.”

I am not surprised.I ‘m thankful that sometimes a common name can be of your advantage. I’m also thankful that the people there seemed cheery and kind.

“It’s a good thing that STFAP already assigned an SA here, we really need an SA now.”

Hmmm, they REALLY need an SA now. Is that really a good thing?

I now love being a student assistant. hahah

The Sheep and the Fox

During our Social Science 2 class, we were tasked to write a short story about the animal that symbolizes us.  I chose to represent myself as a sheep ,because they,modesty aside, one of the dumbest animals on earth.

I know that there are many things in life that I don’t know. I know that I should always seek for knowledge but  keep on mind  that there are things that should remain a mystery to me.

Two of my friends who happened to be my classmates in that class, chose to symbolize themselves as fox because for them, many people would judge them without even knowing who they really are. For me, they really are like a fox, because they’re keen, watchful, knowledgeable and most of all, harmless unless provoked.

Now, if  I were to choose between the sheep and the fox. I would choose to be both.

In the story “The Little Prince”, there was a scene that the little prince demanded a drawing of a sheep from the pilot. The pilot drew many sheep but only one passed the standards of the little prince. That drawing of the sheep, was just actually a drawing of a plain box. The little prince said that the sheep is in the box and that he likes it.

I always want to be viewed that way, especially in this world wherein men are suckers for pretty faces and women would buy into the the-quickest-way-to-make-you-ten-years-younger-scheme. I know that many people hated and loved me just because of how I look. Like the sheep, I want others to see me by who I am and not by how I look. I want to be hated and loved because of whatever that they cannot see in me.

In a way, I also want to be like the fox. The fox knows what are the important things in life. For him,what really matter are those that you can’t see. I also want to hate and love other people,not because of their appearance but because of who they really are.  I believe that there are more to people than what you can see in them. If we judge people by just how they look, we will find ourselves being faulty in our judgment.

I’ll end this musing with a secret that the fox shared to the little prince..  with a secret that I believe should be shared.

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye”.

Dementia Who?

Is it possible for a person with dementia to lose abilities s/he has acquired (e.g. playing musical instruments)?Our Psych 155 (Abnormal Psych) teacher answered “Yes”. I was alarmed.

I know not everyone knows what dementia is. Actually, when I first heard this word, I was tempted to make a knock-knock joke out of it, but then I thought I’ll just give it a time after my exam week. Before I finally decide to crack a joke, what really is dementia? Dementia literally means “deprived of mind”. It is a degenerative disease. The person who suffers from this has damages on different parts of the brain that are responsible for language, problem solving, attention and memory. Affected persons are disoriented of time, places and people ,which mean they may not know what time it is, where they are, and who they are with. But the most significant diagnosis is that those with dementia forget things, a lot of things.

Let’s go back to that split-second in my class when I felt alarmed after hearing my teacher say that it’s possible to forget skills that you have acquired. I then realized that it’s possible to forget even those things that are quite “involuntary” to you. It is possible that you will forget the people you have been with during your ups and downs. You will forget your bad-hair days and even those happy-happy-joy-joy times (band name. ^_^). It is possible that you will forget the places that made you curse because you have not brought any camera that will capture its panoramic beauty.

I am a forgetful person; very, very forgetful. That’s why I usually fail at exams that require memorizing (making excuses^_^). My forgetfulness cannot be considered as dementia, but forgetting those that have been important to me scares me. I can’t imagine myself asking my loved ones “Do I know you?” or even confused while saying “I know how to play a guitar?”, or worst, stating “Katrina is a very common name, good thing, I don’t have that name!”

Even if there are lots of things that I want to forget, I can still say that there are memories that I want to be encrypted on this 3 pound organ of mine. Yes, there are people that I wish I never met at all, but there are also people that meeting them made this crazy world of mine even crazier.

There are times that made me wish that I was not born at all but there are also moments that made me thank God for creating me. I don’t want to forget those who love me because they made this life of mine worth living. In the same way, I don’t want to forget those who hate me. They made me proud because I’m still alive in spite of the fact that they plotted to kill me (heheh).

Forgetting my skills would mean forgetting amazing teachers. I don’t want to forget my flaws because these flaws are reminders that I have to strive. I don’t want to forget my successes because they remind me of those people who willingly helped me.  I don’t want to forget my failures; they remind me that I took risks. In short, I don’t want to have any type of dementia.

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Dementia.

Dementia who?

Sorry, I just forgot. ^^,

Free Condoms, Abortions, and the Likes

When I was in fourth year high school, we had an extemporaneous speaking activity in our English class. The question I happened to pick goes this way; “If you were a senator, what problem of this country would you prioritize solving and why?” My answer is rather a funny one.

“Overpopulation. It’s just that we are so many in this country who are trying to get whatever there is to the common and limited resource such as space and even food. The government can’t feed us all. People make babies that they can’t support. These babies will transform into children who don’t know how to read and write since the money earned is allotted for the basic need, food. Later on, they will transform into adults who will eventually make babies. The cycle of poverty just goes on because of this.”

I don’t know if overpopulation is really the root of poverty, I just happened to answer this because I once saw a five-year old  child who was naked and was  lying under  a car and gnawing a straw. His name is Philip, his mother is somewhere finding money for them, and his father is in prison. He has 4 siblings by the way.  I then associated the lack of food to the inability of the parents to provide for the five children.

I don’t hate babies. I don’t want to legalize abortion just to solve the problem of overpopulation. I am not thinking of the one child policy either. Sex education for children is also a not so attractive course of action, nor the free condoms policy. I don’t have anything in my mind except asking God to just give the exact number of babies people need and people can sustain.  No baby for those who don’t want to have one and one for each who wants one but have none. Two or three babies for those who can sustain the needs of these numbers.

I have this thought about babies because I was tasked to take care of my two-year old cousin. He was running around while I just keep on following him, eventually, he tripped. I panicked. I bought tissue and water just to clean and wipe his wound which by the way is situated on his upper lip.  While I was wiping his wound, a guy asked me if the child is  well, my own baby. I wanted to slap and tell him “How can I have a  baby?! I don’t have a husband and I’m just twenty !”. But then, I realized that the reason I was to say is absurd and the guy has a point. After all, the mother of my cousin is also twenty years old and was not also married because by the time she had her first baby, she was just a teenager.

God, why can’t you just create for those who wanted babies? Just reserve the supposed babies by those who don’t need one to those who wanted to have babies so much. That way, there will be no neglected and unwanted babies in this world, there will also be no depressed couple.

But then, that is a very childish thought. First of all, God is not a genie who gives whatever you want. Second, the natural process of fertilization, ovulation, and eventually birth will not be that natural if it’s just programmed to certain people. What I was thinking just disrupts a physical law which is in every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Whatever that we do, there is natural consequence. Also, if God would do that, he was just providing an easy way out for people. People will eventually not be responsible or accountable for the decisions they make. They will just do whatever they want since there is no consequence for whatever they are doing. There is a disruption of the balance between the action and the reaction for the action.

They say abortion puts the mother to a dilemma between “choice” and values. Of course she has the right to choose, but would she rather choose death than life?   Free condoms on the other hand can’t really solve the root of the problem, it only gives people an easy way out, or a fire exit for those who created their own fire. Maybe, having “too many” children would mean having that “too many” love for your partner, but putting them at risk of having so little to eat, and later on denying them the privilege of education just because you don’t earn enough, would be interpreted as you not loving them enough(even if you really do).

Maybe what I wanted to say is that we should be responsible for our actions. Blaming God, our parents, the government or just any other people won’t do any help. Babies are gifts, so maybe those gifts should not be ruined(killed), nor be opened earlier than his/her fateful day.  They have their own time, so wait for them, don’t like put them in the line even if they are not yet ready. If on the other hand, they came unexpectedly, then maybe being a good parent means being a good provider for him/her.

So what’s best solution? I don’t know the best solution. What I know is that when you love a person, you respect that person and you are willing to wait for that person. What I know is that if you hate your parents, then maybe you could be a better one. What I know is that the safest thing to wear when you’re having sex with your partner is a wedding ring.

A Lesson from a Fly

It is the time that you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.

This line is from my favorite story “The Little Prince”.

For me, one of the most precious and expensive things in life is time. If you spend money, you can still get a lot of it in the future, while time is something that you can never turn back. Time is a significant indicator of your priorities in life. Why? You will only spend much time to the things that are important for you. You will only spend time either for the things that you love or things that you ought to attend to.

Personally, I don’t want to waste time with things that I hate doing. I don’t want to waste time with things that have no eternal value. If I were to look back in my past, I know that I will then realize how I wasted my time doing things that I don’t even consider essential. So now, I hope that I will be reminded of what really matters in this world.

“The most important things in this world are not things”. This is a statement of Rick Warren that I definitely agree with. It is not the material things nor the seen things that would last forever. I know that in my deathbed, I would not look for my medals,diplomas, certificates or the money I earned throughout my lifetime. I will surely look for those people I love;my family, my friends, and those that have wasted time for me or those that I willingly wasted time with.

The use of your time determines what’s important and what’s crass for you. There was this lesson from the movie “A Bug’s Life” which reminds me to always do what is essential.

A fly watching circus bugs: I have only 24 hours to live and I don’t have to waste it on this.

In the same way, humans have only an average of 50 years to live, and I don’t want to waste it with matters that don’t matter at all.

The Girl in the 4-sided Frame

Where is she?
The girl in the 4-sided frame
I have known her
For a long time
But she left
Don’t know where she’s bound
Or when will she come back
I miss her
I hate the other girl
In the 4-sided frame
I do not know her
Don’t even recognize her face
She’s too sad
Too tired
Alone
Lonely
Selfish
Jealous
Envious
Insecure
Dependent
Weak
Impatient
Unloving
Ungrateful
Silent
Empty
She’s everything that I hate
I miss the former girl
When will she come back?
Please
Come back
I will wait here
In front of the 4-sided frame..